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Personal Growth

Learn to be Less Defensive

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Enjoy topics around success, mindfulness and personal growth amongst others interesting, helpful and relevant to the busy world we live in today. 

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Personal Growth

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Learn to be Less Defensive

Being defensive is usually a less than optimal way of responding. Being defensive serves to escalate the situation and create further barriers to meaningful communication. Whether something was said to you in spite, or you merely misinterpreted a comment, avoiding an aggressive response is often more prudent. Discover some ways to stop being so defensive: […]

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Being defensive is usually a less than optimal way of responding. Being defensive serves to escalate the situation and create further barriers to meaningful communication. Whether something was said to you in spite, or you merely misinterpreted a comment, avoiding an aggressive response is often more prudent.

Discover some ways to stop being so defensive:

  1. Realize that everyone is doing the best they can. That’s not to say that everyone is demonstrating 100% of their potential. But each minute of the day, everyone is operating the best they can, given their mood, past experiences, skills, coping skills, and so on. If you can adopt this belief, it’s just about impossible for anyone to upset you.
  2. It isn’t personal. We can all be grumpy. You might remind someone of their ex. Some individuals are just rude. Allow someone to have a bad day without allowing it to ruin yours. Everyone has their own biases and opinions.
  3. Clarify. We often jump to conclusions. Before you do, ask a few questions. Know what’s going on before taking things to the next level.
  4. Pause. How many times would you have changed your words or deeds if only you had waited 30 seconds? Give yourself a minute to respond if you’re feeling emotionally charged. Consider how much easier your life would be with simple pauses sprinkled throughout your day.
  5. Stop defending yourself. If you have a healthy level of self-esteem, you’re much less likely to be defensive. Be comfortable with who you are.
  6. Relax. The more stressed you are, the more likely you are to respond quickly and inappropriately. When you’re calm and relaxed, you’re more capable of responding in a reasonable manner.
    • Make a list of activities that relax your mind and body. Spend time engaging in one of them each hour.
  7. Figure out if the criticism is accurate. We may not recognize the areas in which we require a little work. Examine the criticism you receive from others and judge the accuracy. If it’s accurate, be grateful and apply the newfound knowledge. If it’s inaccurate, let it go and move on.
  8. Realize that you’re less than perfect. If you can accept the fact that you don’t know everything, it’s easier to respond in a more appropriate way.
    • Be mature enough to admit when you’ve erred, rather than getting defensive. It will satisfy whomever you’re interacting with and diffuse the situation.
  9. Understand what being defensive is costing you. Think about the consequences you’ve experienced by being defensive. Soured relationships, issues at work, alienated family members, and loneliness can all be consequences of overreacting.
    • Realizing the negative impact defensiveness can have on your life will enhance your motivation to change.
  10. Make a list of your positive qualities. When you’re feeling defensive, reflect on a quality you like about yourself. This can be challenging in the moment, so it helps to have a list of your positive qualities already in mind.
    • Reminding yourself of your self-worth is a worthwhile habit to develop.

Everyone has been overly defensive from time to time. It’s part of being human. But there are negative consequences to being overly defensive. If you can learn to be less defensive, your journey through life will be a lot less bumpy.

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MOONologer, Manifesting Generator, ENNEAGRAM 8, CHRONIC OVERACHIEVER, NATURE LOVER.

Hi, I'm Angie.
Your New Success + Mindset Coach.

I’ve shifted from the corporate world into the helping industry at a time where major change can happen including revolutionizing the workplace and life in general. When people are fed up with living in survival mode and held back by conditioning and limiting beliefs it’s time to shift and I can help. 

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It finally clicked!

The Key

Much of the work I have done has been with feelings, needs and with my subconscious. Rewiring programming that "I didn't matter" and "I am not enough" has been a journey. If I struggle with escaping to work when personal life got to be too much, I'm sure others do as well.  If I didn't learn how to address emotions and share my needs, I'm sure others have as well. If I was dealing with these inner barriers of "I don't matter" and "I am not enough" others must as well.
Creating lasting change has given me confidence in dealing wiht life issues instead of avoiding them. This eve led me to becoming a life coach so I can help others overcome their limitations. Going deeper is where I found the impactful transformation and I want to share that with others. Rewiring old programming to overcome self-limiting beliefs, learn how to feel the feels and release negative emotions in others is my mission. I've found so many clients dealing with the same inner barriers and avoidance in personal life.  I only wished I could scale the solution I found to work with so many. Then I started to think about how I love using apps and what if that is the solution. I use an app for everything and drove digital solutions in my previous career. A few of my coaching clients inspired me to come up with a solution for convenience and deeper, continuous work in between sessions.  Personal transformation journeys are just that, personal. They can also be very deeply complicated based on old programming and experiences in life that have led you to this point. It's the part of the iceberg we can't see. 1:1 coaching is a great way to break through self-limiting beliefs, establish healthy habits and mindfulness. It can also get expensive. I wanted to bring an affordable journey that is effective, proven and you can do at your own pace!

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